Beloved Ishtar,
your quickening overwhelms me.
It’s that scarey feeling, of this things that I have wanted, asked for, even celebrated
and now realise gradually is really happening, nearly past the point of no return.
And yet it is gratifying, to begin to feel that what Andromeda used to say to me, about becoming the fullness of the priestess that I am, is finally beginning to bear fruit, to come within reaching.
After The Quickening
10 May 2005
Quickening, quickening
into increasing life –
is this the small flutter of excitement?
or the flutter of fear within my belly?
Breathing, breathing into the mystery…
Power flows through me,
the opening flood of baraka
I prayed for.
Clothed in Her juices
I feel the growing strength of my capacity
to hold ground
to trust the flow
to let myself know what I know.
Afterwards
I sit down, stoned on prayer,
and look at the stunned faces of the women
that seem to say
some unexpected potency just happened here
– Am I pregnant?
A small squall of panic tries to rise –
What am I getting myself into???
But I hold fast to my Lover’s hand, for reassurance.
Previously I wore my Goddess-consciousness like a ceremonial robe
putting it away in the cupboard between uses
thinking to return to the familiar parameters of my own daily muddle.
One day soon, my Beloved moves in
and then
what ever I do, where ever I am
there SHE IS!
~
Lover, you and I are pregnant :
Time to put the house in order
Time to begin figuring out how you and i
can live together in the one body
Time to stop crossing fingers and hoping for the best
Time to roll up my sleeves and get on with it, now
Its quickening.
I can feel myself repeatedly squeezing your hand for reassurance… if you think this is bad, wait for the birth. Ah, that’s a familiar refrain! No, no… the birthing when it comes will be magnificent, you wait and see. As Sonja so wisely said – I’ll just have to trust to the Goddesses to take care of the ones who are spiritually opened … and after all, it isn’t me who arranges who comes, or who decides what will happen. So I’ll leave all these details in your capable hands Beloved, and try to get on with the bits that are mine to do.. mostly about surrender and trusting.
I trust and pray that the right space will be forthcoming for the healing work, if that is truly what you desire from and for me now, and for my capacity to recognise it when I see.
much love to you,
Ishara.